Possible or no? I keep trying to tell myself its possible with the right amount of training and self-teaching of social skills and values, but this hope often crumbles to pieces because i'm reminded of something bad or a real-life conversation I had came out with a negative outcome. Often I do something socially unacceptable and only find out it was unacceptable months, maybe years later. I think 'it is impossible for me to continously figure out what is not socially unacceptable in time, so I'll just avoid social contact altogether, this way I can never make a fool of myself'. Other times I remember incidents which I thought came out great, but were really just deceptions, for instance remembering talking with a girl who seemed to enjoy talking with me, but then realising she was just faking enjoyment to be polite or because she thought I was a freak and didn't want to get onto my bad side for fear of me doing crazy things against her.
Anyway, possible or no? And how do you do it?
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Getting a girlfriend as an aspergian?
Started by Keine Kamishirasawa, Oct 31 2011 10:38 AM
17 replies to this topic
#1
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Posted 31 October 2011 - 10:38 AM
Are we all looking for ladders when heaven was beneath our feet the whole time?
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Posted 31 October 2011 - 02:43 PM
Sure it's possible. I used to go through a similar mentality of avoiding social contact because my brain is pretty slow when it comes to picking up on "what's acceptable" unless it's outright told to me; I still have trouble when sarcasm is used towards me, both online and offline. Now I don't have aspergers myself, but I know a few members on this site who do and I personally don't think it should have anything to do with how much a person loves you. If said person can't accept you for who you are then it's their problem, not yours.
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Shallots, on 01 December 2011 - 10:28 PM, said:
Double everything. EVERYTHING. Most importantly twice as much AP per level, which is so ridiculously broken that it basically makes you reluctant to train any time there isn't double-rainbow for fear that you'll be too high-leveled to benefit when there is one.
#3
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Posted 31 October 2011 - 05:03 PM
I've had a girlfriend before. I have Asperger's Syndrome. So yes, it's possible.
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Posted 01 November 2011 - 06:27 AM
Yeah but how did you do it
Are we all looking for ladders when heaven was beneath our feet the whole time?
#5
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Posted 01 November 2011 - 08:48 PM
By being yourself. I'm high-functioning autistic, I don't let it affect my life or anything I want to do in my life. I can't tell you what you have to do to get a girlfriend, because there is no step-by-step process. If someone likes you, they'll not care about things like that. It's really that simple.
Also:
Also:
Punky, on 31 October 2011 - 02:43 PM, said:
If said person can't accept you for who you are then it's their problem, not yours.
I can still edit my sig, bitches.
#6
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Posted 02 November 2011 - 02:04 AM
Not that that is any excuse to get a superiority complex, nothing more annoying than people with Asperger's who see this as a reason to justify a raging superiority complex.
But yeah, just get comfortable around people and the rest'll come naturally.
But yeah, just get comfortable around people and the rest'll come naturally.
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#7
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Posted 06 November 2011 - 06:13 AM
I have Asperger's and I also have a superiority complex, but these two things have nothing to do with one another. >_>
I also have a girlfriend of four years to whom I am now engaged. It's really just a matter of finding the right person.
I also have a girlfriend of four years to whom I am now engaged. It's really just a matter of finding the right person.
This statement is false.
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Posted 18 November 2011 - 03:04 AM
Punky, on 31 October 2011 - 02:43 PM, said:
If said person can't accept you for who you are then it's their problem, not yours.
I think if every girl you meet is repulsed by you and you're sitll a virgin at 30 then its your problem.
Are we all looking for ladders when heaven was beneath our feet the whole time?
#9
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Posted 18 November 2011 - 03:47 AM
Keine Kamishirasawa, on 18 November 2011 - 03:04 AM, said:
I think if every girl you meet is repulsed by you and you're sitll a virgin at 30 then its your problem.
if it is then try to ask the girl in question exactly what it is about you that they don't like.
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Shallots, on 01 December 2011 - 10:28 PM, said:
Double everything. EVERYTHING. Most importantly twice as much AP per level, which is so ridiculously broken that it basically makes you reluctant to train any time there isn't double-rainbow for fear that you'll be too high-leveled to benefit when there is one.
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Posted 18 November 2011 - 06:04 AM
Punky, on 18 November 2011 - 03:47 AM, said:
Um, but is that the case here?
if it is then try to ask the girl in question exactly what it is about you that they don't like.
if it is then try to ask the girl in question exactly what it is about you that they don't like.
It could be in the future. I'm almost 20 and still a virgin, which is very peculiar. I don't see myself getting a girlfriend any time soon, becuse I don't even have any female friends. Or male friends for that matter.
I don't think asking that question would be very appropriate. Not unless you're close and trusted friends. I certainly wouldn't ask that to a girl who I was interested in but don't know that well. Maybe its just my social retardedness though. I can't always be certain whether my views are always socially acceptable.
Are we all looking for ladders when heaven was beneath our feet the whole time?
#11
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Posted 23 November 2011 - 08:07 AM
It is possible, but you would have to be far more careful about things than most, making it very difficult. The inability to really pick up on nuances and social cues make it incredibly difficult because small misunderstandings can really hurt relationship development, especially if it comes off as being insensitive (or perhaps hypersensitive).
I am no expert on the difficulties people with asperger's face, but if possible the best I can suggest is to "study" the behaviors of others to know where to go. Though it may not mean much without real understanding of the behaviors other people exhibit, at least knowing how others normally react can prevent making misunderstandings that create issues as far as relationships are concerned.
The last thing that could be the hardest to overcome (based on the person) is the social stigma attached with having asperger's. Like it or not, people are often going to pass judgment based solely on that, and women are no exception to that of course.
I am no expert on the difficulties people with asperger's face, but if possible the best I can suggest is to "study" the behaviors of others to know where to go. Though it may not mean much without real understanding of the behaviors other people exhibit, at least knowing how others normally react can prevent making misunderstandings that create issues as far as relationships are concerned.
The last thing that could be the hardest to overcome (based on the person) is the social stigma attached with having asperger's. Like it or not, people are often going to pass judgment based solely on that, and women are no exception to that of course.
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Posted 27 December 2011 - 03:27 AM
In other words, its impossible.
Are we all looking for ladders when heaven was beneath our feet the whole time?
#13
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Posted 28 December 2011 - 04:37 AM
Well aren't you the type to give up easily. 
There is plenty of evidence indicating the contrary.
There is plenty of evidence indicating the contrary.
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Posted 28 December 2011 - 09:05 PM
How to get a girlfriend as an aspergian? Simply build up some confidence, go out, and do things!
Take martial arts, for example. And start a hobby outside computer or video games, like photography. You don't have to be social to "have a life"! Just try things, and enjoy life! Don't focus on a girlfriend, but instead meet people in general!
Being an aspergian myself, let me also say that having aspergers is no excuse for bad social skills either. Keep in mind that people could ALWAYS see what you do! So don't do anything you know looks stupid. And don't be arrogant either.
Since you have aspergers, your best bet is to go for the "Quiet guy" appeal. That means always dressing nice and tidy (NOT "jerky"! Keep up with styles! It's important!), bathing a lot, and talking only when you need to. But when you talk, always be polite, and try to use your knowledge to help them! If you're unsure when to join a conversation, or if your advice will be good, then DON'T say it!
And most importantly, I must stress trying to establish a life OUTSIDE a girlfriend. Don't be desperate. Just enjoy life, meet people, and eventually, if you do well enough socially, then they will be the ones attracted to you. In other words, establish an appeal for yourself.
Also, don't overthink things. And also, focus on your posture. We aspergians tend to bend our body slightly forward since we're on the computer all the time, and we also tend to drag our feet. Fix it. If I could do it, so could you!
You'll get a girlfriend in no time as long as you don't focus on it! Focus on building your character in general~!
Take martial arts, for example. And start a hobby outside computer or video games, like photography. You don't have to be social to "have a life"! Just try things, and enjoy life! Don't focus on a girlfriend, but instead meet people in general!
Being an aspergian myself, let me also say that having aspergers is no excuse for bad social skills either. Keep in mind that people could ALWAYS see what you do! So don't do anything you know looks stupid. And don't be arrogant either.
Since you have aspergers, your best bet is to go for the "Quiet guy" appeal. That means always dressing nice and tidy (NOT "jerky"! Keep up with styles! It's important!), bathing a lot, and talking only when you need to. But when you talk, always be polite, and try to use your knowledge to help them! If you're unsure when to join a conversation, or if your advice will be good, then DON'T say it!
And most importantly, I must stress trying to establish a life OUTSIDE a girlfriend. Don't be desperate. Just enjoy life, meet people, and eventually, if you do well enough socially, then they will be the ones attracted to you. In other words, establish an appeal for yourself.
Also, don't overthink things. And also, focus on your posture. We aspergians tend to bend our body slightly forward since we're on the computer all the time, and we also tend to drag our feet. Fix it. If I could do it, so could you!
You'll get a girlfriend in no time as long as you don't focus on it! Focus on building your character in general~!
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Posted 30 December 2011 - 08:12 PM
Keine Kamishirasawa, on 18 November 2011 - 06:04 AM, said:
It could be in the future. I'm almost 20 and still a virgin, which is very peculiar. I don't see myself getting a girlfriend any time soon, becuse I don't even have any female friends. Or male friends for that matter.
I don't think asking that question would be very appropriate. Not unless you're close and trusted friends. I certainly wouldn't ask that to a girl who I was interested in but don't know that well. Maybe its just my social retardedness though. I can't always be certain whether my views are always socially acceptable.
I don't think asking that question would be very appropriate. Not unless you're close and trusted friends. I certainly wouldn't ask that to a girl who I was interested in but don't know that well. Maybe its just my social retardedness though. I can't always be certain whether my views are always socially acceptable.
This part you might want to relax a little on. It's not like it is a race or anything. Trying too hard to impress is one of the first ways to backfire.
Being spontaneous as usual :3
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Posted 31 December 2011 - 12:07 PM
Keine Kamishirasawa, on 18 November 2011 - 06:04 AM, said:
I'm almost 20 and still a virgin, which is very peculiar.
Why is that peculiar? I'm 21 and still a virgin, as are many of my friends and acquaintances.
So I made a tumblr dream log for a friend of mine, but then I realized that all I dream about is nerdy stuff. BUT THAT'S NORMAL FOR DOUJINSTYLE SO YOU SHOULD HAVE A READ
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Posted 01 January 2012 - 05:54 PM
me, i'll be 30 the 23rd of this JAN. and i'm still a virgin...
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Posted 05 January 2012 - 10:12 PM
Keine Kamishirasawa, on 18 November 2011 - 06:04 AM, said:
I'm almost 20 and still a virgin, which is very peculiar.
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