12 replies to this topic

[FearNagae]

First, maybe I'll need to explain about myself...

I'm a boy
Just got into 18th year
Probably what they call a trap/androgynous

My hair is quite long for a boy
But not really long either (probably a bit longer than Mononobe no Futo when tied, around Watatsuki Yorihime's pic in touhouwiki)
I'm pretty slim (too slim but can't increase weight no matter how I tried :x 40kg)
height is 160cm
I somewhat got control over my voice, so I can kinda speak in a boy's and a girl's voice (don't know how good, but they say it really works)
And I look somewhat feminine face-wise, at least they said so

I'm always in androgynous appearance when I go out

I still don't know either, maybe if I could accept myself that's in the mirror I'd be a trap instead of stay being an androgynous boy ?
But I still couldn't, even people say it'll work out, I still don't think I'm good, so I still am a boy, an androgynous boy.
And even if I were to become a trap, I won't be doing it for long anyway. (I won't be a trap though, I prefer being genderless, being a boy, yet still able to show up as a girl sometimes when I wish, though most likely it will only be cosfest or something, I don't really think I want to crossdress for not much reason)
I'll most likely quit it in 20 or so.

Yeah, I want to crossdress cosplay properly at least once :x that's my main wish.

And today my mom called me
Mom: "Why don't you want to cut your hair?"
Me: "I just don't feel like it."
Mom: "Are you trying to look cool or beautiful?"
Me: "..."
Mom: "You can't become a girl, no matter what. If you still think you're going to be a girl, I'll need to bring you to a psychologist."
Me: "..."

Basically that, though the chat is going on longer like my mom going teary and saying stuff like "I don't want a boy to fall in to you".
Well I don't want either :V I'm freaking straight even if I were to crossdresss.
I'm a home schooler till now, so I'm mostly in my room, though I'm going to live alone soon (College, so stay in some sort of apartment alone)

But I never crossdressed.
I just appear androgynous everywhere, and have a long hair for an Indonesian boy, the only time I crossdressed is probably when I try out my costumes, which is alone, and then... never really used them in cosfest/stuff, because while I know my parents will disagree, I also don't think I can pull off a decent one yet

If I can't become a genderless till 20, I'd at least want to properly pull off a decent crossdress cosplay.

Yes, that's my dream. It's a silly one, I know, but hey... :X

I'm asking help from anyone,
and if there is a fellow crossdresser (or maybe even a transgen, but wow), may I know how you get past this barrier of parents? (I think you've got this problem too, no?)

[Adviceowl]

You could man up and tell your parents to deal with it.

[CarrotSticks]

Adviceowl, on 07 September 2011 - 04:05 PM, said:

You could man up and tell your parents to deal with it.

What a wonderful first post...


But anyway, I don't have any experience with crossdressers or anything, but I'd like to know if you've told your mom you don't really want to be this or that, because that'll probably make her calm down. :V You don't have to be specific...

[Kirei]

Trying to speak as generally as possible, I will tell you this right now: do NOT let your parents, or anybody for that matter, make decisions about your life for you. You're old enough to make your own decisions, and no one can take that away from you, not even your parents. I don't care how strict they are, they can't change who you are no matter how hard they may try.

Also, I'm curious; when you say you'll quit it when you're 20, do you mean that you think you'll just grow out of it by the time you're 20, or...?

[FearNagae]

Adviceowl, on 07 September 2011 - 04:05 PM, said:

You could man up and tell your parents to deal with it.

Eh, yeah, derp

CarrotSticks, on 07 September 2011 - 04:14 PM, said:

What a wonderful first post...


But anyway, I don't have any experience with crossdressers or anything, but I'd like to know if you've told your mom you don't really want to be this or that, because that'll probably make her calm down. :V You don't have to be specific...

Okay... I thought about that, but she disagreed with me crossdressing for cosplay last year... so I'm not really sure :<

Lishy, on 07 September 2011 - 05:28 PM, said:

Just wanted to voice my support, I guess.

I myself aint into drag, but I really have an appreciation for those who do it. It takes a powerful artist to defy nature and put on a gender illusion!

Likewise, crossplay aint too different. Just make sure you shave.. REALLY well! lol. And get help from an actual girl.

lol thanks

Kirei, on 07 September 2011 - 06:17 PM, said:

Trying to speak as generally as possible, I will tell you this right now: do NOT let your parents, or anybody for that matter, make decisions about your life for you. You're old enough to make your own decisions, and no one can take that away from you, not even your parents. I don't care how strict they are, they can't change who you are no matter how hard they may try.

Also, I'm curious; when you say you'll quit it when you're 20, do you mean that you think you'll just grow out of it by the time you're 20, or...?

Okay I'll try then, now that you mention it I really wished for this method though I'm still wondering if there's some excuses I could use but eh :x I'll stop making excuses I guess.

I don't know, that's most likely just one of my excuses :x like, maybe they'd let me go if it's just a few years lol
and I'd be okay with it (I hope) because at least I've lived the way I want till 20.

And by the way thanks!

EDIT: after thinking some stuff...
I think the biggest problem is probably because I don't want my parents to cry... :x
They are somewhat strict, but even if I manage to overcome this, the problem is that I don't want to hurt them either...

[Kirei]

FearNagae, on 07 September 2011 - 06:36 PM, said:

EDIT: after thinking some stuff...
I think the biggest problem is probably because I don't want my parents to cry... :x
They are somewhat strict, but even if I manage to overcome this, the problem is that I don't want to hurt them either...

I understand completely, though keep in mind that it's likely they would be upset because they're worried about you. They more likely than not just don't want to see you hurt, even if you're completely fine.

That's kind of the paradoxical thing with parents who don't let their kids think for themselves. Most of them mean well, but just don't understand that your life isn't a continuation of theirs, which could end up making you worse off in turn. It doesn't make them bad parents, they just want to help you but don't know how.

And even if that doesn't work out well, you'll be on your own and starting your own life eventually, right? By then, who cares what your parents think? It truly is your life then, and no one can tell you otherwise.

[Aoi Tori]

OH HEY
i have actual experience with this
and by experience i mean i was disowned and kicked out for being a useless faggot and hated by god~

look bro life always comes down to just the basic do what makes you happy
and you should and i cant stress this enough do what YOU want and try and be happy with it
im not saying its easy
people are narrow minded and spiteful things
but regardless of what does happen
dont sink into hate and hate people for it
that just leads to unneeded stress and makes you feel sick

[peregrin]

If your parents cry over this, it's their problem, not yours. Yes, it sucks, but there comes a point in your life at which you need to start doing the things that you want to do even if other people don't like it. Your crossdressing will do NOTHING to physically harm ANYONE. Not yourself, not your parents, etc. So for someone to tell you not to do it, they have to be acting based on their own inability to accept you for who you are (or in extreme cases, their fear of others not accepting you). At the end of the day, it's your decision. And honestly, if your mom thinks that you need to see a psychologist about this? She's got to to work out some of her own issues before trying to force them on you.

[Moezama]

Ugh... parents... My mother who doesn't even live with me is giving me grief over the same thing (In my case I'm a girl and I want to crossplay a male, who isn't even... overly manly).

Regardless, I think you should do what you want. Honestly, its your life, and you're an adult. Your parents can't do anything about it. So they may think you have problems, but here's the thing: You don't. If you're confident in your ability to do it and do it with effort, then why does it bother them? It's not like you're coming out of the closet (which is something parents these days should get over...)

But really, ignore your parents, and just hide your stuff when you do crossplay. That's the only advice I can give.

[bobbert4ever]

Don't listen to your parents. The reason why I think they would kind of be against it, is because THEY created you and they think you don't like your male self. Think about it, if you had a kid and they said "I don't like the way I look" would you as the one who gave them those traits feel like it's your fault? I know I would. They just don't understand that it's what makes you happy, if they saw you happier being the way you want to be, when you want to be, I'm sure they would be fine with it.

[Sephora]

You just don't tell them anything. Deny everything. Period. Because thats what I do.

That is probably the safest thing you can do since trying to make terms with them would most likely bring more trouble and is not work it at all.

When you are well off living on your own they can not control you.

[FearNagae]

Kirei, on 07 September 2011 - 08:29 PM, said:

I understand completely, though keep in mind that it's likely they would be upset because they're worried about you. They more likely than not just don't want to see you hurt, even if you're completely fine.

That's kind of the paradoxical thing with parents who don't let their kids think for themselves. Most of them mean well, but just don't understand that your life isn't a continuation of theirs, which could end up making you worse off in turn. It doesn't make them bad parents, they just want to help you but don't know how.

And even if that doesn't work out well, you'll be on your own and starting your own life eventually, right? By then, who cares what your parents think? It truly is your life then, and no one can tell you otherwise.

Eh... okay, as for now, I can only hope for them to trust me lol
yeah it seems this paradox is the main problem
if they could trust me there won't be any problem

Xirick Lore, on 09 September 2011 - 08:16 AM, said:

OH HEY
i have actual experience with this
and by experience i mean i was disowned and kicked out for being a useless faggot and hated by god~

look bro life always comes down to just the basic do what makes you happy
and you should and i cant stress this enough do what YOU want and try and be happy with it
im not saying its easy
people are narrow minded and spiteful things
but regardless of what does happen
dont sink into hate and hate people for it
that just leads to unneeded stress and makes you feel sick

o_O Thank you... and ya... I'm actually trying to do what I want, that's why this problem came.
But I don't hate people :<

peregrin, on 09 September 2011 - 08:36 AM, said:

If your parents cry over this, it's their problem, not yours. Yes, it sucks, but there comes a point in your life at which you need to start doing the things that you want to do even if other people don't like it. Your crossdressing will do NOTHING to physically harm ANYONE. Not yourself, not your parents, etc. So for someone to tell you not to do it, they have to be acting based on their own inability to accept you for who you are (or in extreme cases, their fear of others not accepting you). At the end of the day, it's your decision. And honestly, if your mom thinks that you need to see a psychologist about this? She's got to to work out some of her own issues before trying to force them on you.

I know it's their problem, but I can't neglect them :x if they were young I might be okay doing this, but apparently they're not, at least the main problem is my mom, she seems so stressful and got sick every now and then so I totally can't neglect her orz

Violent Incantation, on 09 September 2011 - 09:37 AM, said:

Ugh... parents... My mother who doesn't even live with me is giving me grief over the same thing (In my case I'm a girl and I want to crossplay a male, who isn't even... overly manly).

Regardless, I think you should do what you want. Honestly, its your life, and you're an adult. Your parents can't do anything about it. So they may think you have problems, but here's the thing: You don't. If you're confident in your ability to do it and do it with effort, then why does it bother them? It's not like you're coming out of the closet (which is something parents these days should get over...)

But really, ignore your parents, and just hide your stuff when you do crossplay. That's the only advice I can give.

True, :x I guess I'll just do that last line of ignoring and hiding stuff lol.

bobbert4ever, on 09 September 2011 - 02:06 PM, said:

Don't listen to your parents. The reason why I think they would kind of be against it, is because THEY created you and they think you don't like your male self. Think about it, if you had a kid and they said "I don't like the way I look" would you as the one who gave them those traits feel like it's your fault? I know I would. They just don't understand that it's what makes you happy, if they saw you happier being the way you want to be, when you want to be, I'm sure they would be fine with it.

Kay I don't know what to say, but I'll keep this in mind.

reimu_sandwich, on 09 September 2011 - 04:41 PM, said:

You just don't tell them anything. Deny everything. Period. Because thats what I do.

That is probably the safest thing you can do since trying to make terms with them would most likely bring more trouble and is not work it at all.

When you are well off living on your own they can not control you.

Thanks,

It seems the best choice is to ignore and hide it if they keep insisting on not accepting it...

I'll try to do it for the time being
If problem continues... I might come again
But once again thanks~