42 replies to this topic

[Breakdown16]

Normally, I wouldn't be the type of person to make this kind of thread. In fact, it's the first time I've ever seriously asked others about life advice outside of intimate family members, but this is an issue of genuine concern to me. And depending on how I deal with it, it can either turn out to be nothing, or it can effectively isolate me socially.

So I'm sure most of you have some otaku/doujin interests. For me, it's mainly the following: playing music rhythm games, learning Japanese, listening to (all sorts of) Japanese music, and watching anime.

I've enjoyed my otaku life mostly in private for about 1.5-2 years now. I've known about otaku-related stuff farther back but only really got serious about it myself after a bit of time to "tread in the water". Well, now that I'm going to college, the situation has changed somewhat. While I can still mostly enjoy the things I do in private, it's going to be increasingly difficult to conceal them. I mean, I have nothing to hide, but I'm still worried how others may perceive me. I'm thinking in particular of my roommate, who seems to be a more or less "normal" American (haven't met him yet). Well, some (slightly embarrassing) stuff is already on my Facebook. But I'm thinking more about what will happen if he happens to see me playing the one eroge game I have, for instance. That's probably the single most worrisome thing for me and the single thing on my computer most likely to give someone the wrong impression of me.

So for those of you who have walked down this road: how did you deal with this issue? And what was the outcome? Would value any feedback, even if you haven't had this kind of experience.

For the record, all my family members know I'm an otaku. I'm pretty open about it, too. There's no problem there. Other than that, basically no one is aware. Only one of them knows I play an eroge, though, and that person's not too interested (disinterested isn't quite the right word...maybe not too involved/nosy is the right description) about what I do. (Edit: Actually, there's one more person, and that person is somewhat of an otaku as well. But not to my degree. Yes, it's still a family member.)

Oh, how I feel like Kirino from 俺の妹がこんなに可愛いわけがない (Ore no Imouto ga Konnani Kawaii Wake ga Nai) at this moment. Though my burdens are probably nothing compared to hers, ha ha.

[zjhentohlauedy]

i think you're being too paranoid.

Anime/games/manga and all those stuff are starting to become more and more common, just don't be annoying and you'll be fine.

most people won't even think you're weird as long as you keep most of the things to yourself ^^

[encephlon]

I think they would be more worried if you stopped being who you are

[true.st]

I think as long as your able to talk to people you should be fine. Maintain relationships, personality, and present yourself socially and culturally acceptable like everyone else.
No one should care if they already like you anyway.

zjhentohlauedy, on 23 August 2011 - 07:48 AM, said:

most people won't even think you're weird as long as you keep most of the things to yourself ^^

[Breakdown16]

zjhentohlauedy, on 23 August 2011 - 07:48 AM, said:

i think you're being too paranoid.

Anime/games/manga and all those stuff are starting to become more and more common, just don't be annoying and you'll be fine.

most people won't even think you're weird as long as you keep most of the things to yourself ^^

Paranoid? Well, maybe. At the least, I'm worried about whether this will affect my standing/relationship with others. It's true that these kinds of things are becoming more prevalent nowadays, but I'm pretty sure the overwhelming majority of Americans still don't watch anime/play Japanese games/etc. too often. So I could say my fear lies in people wrongly and instinctively harboring negative opinions of those kinds of interests, and then by extension associating those negative opinions with me.

I haven't managed to annoy anybody yet, because basically no one knows, you see...

Maybe the fact that I just decomposed your entire post shows that I am too worried, ha ha.

Edit: Wow, you guys reply fast! Yeah, I'll think I'll follow the advice to just keep it to myself unless asked specifically about it. Hopefully nothing too serious will occur. Still somewhat (irrationally?) nervous though. >.>

[zjhentohlauedy]

well negative opinions are there as a defense mechanism i guess, expecting the worse or something like that. Try to be a bit open when people seem interested and shut up if they seem confused. Who knows maybe you'll find other people sharing the same interests when you get to college :3


Good luck bro

[Breakdown16]

Sound advice. I know there'll definitely be others with similar interests; the problem is whether I can summon enough courage to come out of my shell and start interacting with others rather than going the hikikomori route. Hopefully, college will be a stimulating enough environment to help me change. Somehow, I doubt it.

And somewhat unrelated: you can tell from my post count that I don't visit here too often, so the few posts I do see make an impression on my mind. Do you remember writing something long ago (months at least, maybe over a year or two) about taking Chinese classes for 12 years and then forgetting it all in a few months? Or was that someone else with a panda avatar?

Edit: Holy crap, I can't believe I still remember this: http://doujinstyle.c..._1#entry1181561

I don't know how, but somehow I think your avatar helped exercise my memory. And it was actually 13 years, not 12.

[zjhentohlauedy]

Well um try and join in if you over hear people talking about some otaku related stuff, sometimes that's all it takes to start



and that was me why do you ask?

[Breakdown16]

Hopefully I can start with a club or something like that. Actually, just checked, no such thing exists.

I have generally found it extremely awkward to enter conversations with people I don't know too well, even if we have a common interest. Shudder...I don't know, but from experience, it seems like it never works out.

And I just thought of that post randomly; I have no idea how I remember it, or why it popped into my mind (other than my association of your username/avatar with that post). I think it was one of the small influences that pushed me to learn a new language (Japanese).

[zjhentohlauedy]

ahh i see. well um try and poke around on msn or some messenger and add people from here and try talking to them. It's good exercise :3

I use to be really scared of talking to strangers, before i wouldn't even make a peep. I was in a private school since i was 3 years old and had the same class for 13 years or so with mostly the same people, some transfer students, some repeaters, so i was never really pushed into knowing random strangers.

Entering university i could barely talk with other people as well as start conversations. I just thought i'd need a bit of companionship while at university so i started to talk to seatmates bit by bit. first it was usually just about the lessons and class related stuff. when i started feeling more confident about talking to them, i added more small talks. I found it a lot easier when you enter a small groups. Like if some 3-4 people were having fun talking about something, i'd listen a little and see if i can related to the subject matter. I'd butt in a with a question or a comment about the subject matter and then start from there.

Another advice i can give when talking to people is asking questions. Let them talk and show that you are interested. Ask them about the subject matters that they like. It will keep them talking and really reduce the burden of keeping the conversation alive on you.

[Breakdown16]

All right, will do. A number of my friends and family have helped me analyze my introversion problems before, and one thing many of them found was that I usually lacked interaction. Lack of words, eye contact, etc. It's hard for me to do any of that when I have nothing to say usually.

But I'll try my best at university and see where I go. Hopefully I can share my interest with others. And hopefully, otaku stuff won't tarnish my reputation, ha ha.

Okay, this is my last post for now, about time I slept. Thanks everybody for the advice. =)

[Kadacho]

I don't think you should worry about it! And if your playing an eroge game, maybe you can play it when your roomate is out of the room. When you know he has to hang out with friends or leave somewhere, then play it.
And about being an otaku, I wouldn't worry about it. Just be yourself! Be nice to everyone, take care of yourself, and talk to people casually. I think people only don't like otaku when they don't care for themselves or when they are really really weird to talk to. (Like they talk about anime/manga/games all the time and bring up weird things)
So, good luck! But I know you will do fine!

[Punky]

Try to see if your college has an anime or some kind of Japanese club. Hell, even a gaming club will do seeing as there are a good amount of otakus within the gaming community as well. But overall, just try to find people who are into the same interests as you and you should do fine. When I was dorming upstate, my roommate wasn't into anime(actually she was into black/death metal and tagging lol) but she still respected my hobbies just as I respected her's. I was also able to find a gaming club that had its fair share of anime fans as well so it all worked out in the end. As long as you're respectful towards others, they'll be respectful towards you. Just remember that and you should be fine.

[Mintz]

Smeow, on 23 August 2011 - 08:08 AM, said:

I think as long as your able to talk to people you should be fine. Maintain relationships, personality, and present yourself socially and culturally acceptable like everyone else.

I have to agree with this. As long as you can conduct yourself properly, and have an affable personality, there's no reason for your hobbies/interests to bother your roommate/friends. I love Touhou and anime, all of my friends know it. The "bro"s, the hipsters, the gangsters, and those that share the same interests as me. I just don't go around making references or trying to push my interests on them. If they start a conversation about it, I'll continue it. If I know they're not interested in it, I don't bring it up.

Just don't be socially awkward, and you should be fine. Try to refrain from doing something that would cause an awkward moment (such as playing an eroge with him around) and you should be fine.

[Moezama]

First of all, if you're worried about the eroge on your computer, here's my honest advice: Remove it. Especially if you're afraid that your roommate is going to stumble upon it. I realize you probably have progress on it and you don't want to interrupt it, but in all honesty, it's probably for the best if you're a bit paranoid about it.

Second, "Otaku"ism isn't all that uncommon these days. As long as you aren't one of those animu all day erryday kind of people, you should be fine. However, if you want to be on at least talking terms with your roommate, I have a few suggestions so you guys can come off as if you have things in common (sorry if these seem a little weird, but I'm basing these off my experiences with people, but it seems to be some general things I've just kind of noticed):
1: Just generally be open towards the idea of playing video games together.
One of the biggest things I've noticed with even the "normal" otaku is that some have this strange phobia of non-asian games and will stick to computer games, or games that have an otaku-esque feel. Don't do that. I'm not saying you should stop liking what you like or not share what you like. Hell if anything I suggest that as long as it doesn't get too awkward, but be open to the thoughts of other games. I bring this up because every guy I know in the area that I've talked to who isn't really all that "otaku" and is more gamer isn't afraid of the japanese games, but they seem to like their typical dude games (CoD, Battlefield, Halo, etc). Now, I don't know your opinion on these games, but I say just give em a chance, form a bond and stuff. If you're open to what they like, they will most likely be open to what you like

2: Limit what kind of music you share when you're around
One of the most common things people like is music. Ofc everyone likes different music... and because of that it's one of the most discussed things. Have some music that you consider "sharing music" and some music you consider "what I'm not sure I would share." I mean, you say you like rhythm games, and a lot of them have instrumental tracks. Having stuff like that will make people more open to hearing what you have to share. At least in my experience, a lot of that type of music isn't so overly japanese feeling, and hey, if they're like my friends, they won't even be able to tell it's japanese for the most part. Also throwing in some non-japanese music could help as well. Check out some bands in your language and pick and choose what you like. I realize sometimes this is hard for some people, but not all music is all that bad despite what some say.

Aside from that, a lot of things have already been said.
Conduct yourself properly, try out joining a club on campus where you can have some fun and still be comfortable among other otaku, and so on, so forth

[bobbert4ever]

People won't think you are weird. A few years back people MIGHT think you are weird just for liking anime and manga and any Japanese stuff. Now, people understand that certain people like anime and all that type of stuff. I would be fine with anyone knowing I like anime and all that it's perfectly normal and more common then you might think. Now with the eroge games it is a bit different... you will be fine though after you get over the awkwardness of him finding out or telling him about it. In fact, the problem really is how worried you are, I don't think he will really care at all it's just you telling yourself he will. Just one thing. If he doesn't know anything about that stuff or doesn't care about it, DON'T try talking to him about that stuff at all. THEN he will think it is weird and annoying, just kinda keep it to yourself. It is the people who are obsessive over it that gives it a bad impression.

[Pedro The Hutt]

It's not so much what you talk about with your friends as how much you talk about it. If you mention you like anime or whatever and they barely respond, yeah, just find something else to talk about or you will be considered annoying if you keep on talking about it. If they ask you why you like it, give an honest answer, basically, play it by ear and see how they react to the initial breaking of "the news". As to like eroge, eh, find out how open minded he is and how laid back he is about porn and whatever, if he's neither, just hide the damn game and only play when he's asleep or not around.

But yeah, in my opinion you can raise any topic imaginable with people, but you should know when people aren't interested and just drop the topic like a hot potato if that's the case, unless they're close and trusted friends of course, then you could afford to prod and pry a little as to why they aren't interested.

[Moezama]

I hate to butt in on others advice, and I dunno this is probably just me and I'm not trying to force what I think on anyone here, but I kind of think that having the Eroge there kind of will come off weird in a lot of cases, whether said room mate accepts him for being an Otaku or not. I mean I'll be quite honest, I'm a pretty big geek (I'm sorry I just hate referring to myself as 'Otaku,' when other people call me that, I feel somewhat offended tbh) and I hang around a lot of friends who are into this type of stuff, but I myself feel awkward about other people being all like "Yeah I'm into eroge," even if they aren't making a big thing out of it. In all honesty just saying it once is enough to make me feel weird around you if you were to say it to me IRL... On the net, I'm fine with it. But IRL it's just... generally awkward.

But it's up to you to ditch it or not bro. Just kind of saying how I feel.

[RemiliaLover]

people look at otakus as a weird people, too bad even though I can't see anything wrong with that!!

[Azu]

When I when to college, someone has a desktop picture of a loli about to get it on. Also, several people have stated they like anime at my school. My Art teacher hated it, due to it's limited animation. My 3D/game Art teacher didn't really hate it as much as my art teacher. He like Arika and Tenchi Muyo. They both new I like anime, but didn't mind to much. I'm guessing it's because never talked about it a lot. So, yeah, do fret. You can tell people about, but that shouldn't be the only thing you talk about.