43 replies to this topic

[Moezama]

rena, on 02 June 2011 - 02:28 PM, said:

I have witnessed many of my online friends getting together and now living together, married and having kids, being happier than ever.
i believe they can happen for the right ppl

This.

I believe that an online relationship is pretty much as good as a regular relationship as long as the communication is right. Plus, if you keep at it and you actually love that person, wouldn't you be physically attracted to them as well w hen you are with them? Also I guess things just happen for some people

[SilentStalker]

I've had one when I was young. She was from a different state. Many people who knew, in particular my family...had doubts that it would last long. It lasted a total period of around 8 months. Might be shorter, if you total the amount of times we actually interacted(call) with each other.

[Master Tasuke]

nope, gotta be able to spend time with someone in the flesh to develop an actual relationship, IMHO.

guess i'm just an old-fashioned, Analog, backwards kind of guy...

[General_Tobias]

How do you even truly know a person over the internet or phone? For me a long distance relationship seems totally out of the question!

[rena]

peregrin, on 04 June 2011 - 07:57 AM, said:

OHOHOHOHOHOHO~

Is that why you've switched your gender back to female, HMMMMMM?

Still, though, the important thing to note here is that these people got together and are living together. I feel like they wouldn't have lasted long had they only been in a relationship online. Or maybe I'm just too pessimistic about these things because I'm paranoid and think everyone on the internet is a creepy 30-year old dude with a ponytail and glasses.

what does that have to do with anything?
and this is why i cant be female online -.-

[Animablade]

I began an online relationship with a girl some four years ago.

We're now engaged and living together in a house we recently purchased.

[Siveruu]

General_Tobias, on 04 July 2011 - 07:19 AM, said:

How do you even truly know a person over the internet or phone? For me a long distance relationship seems totally out of the question!

How can you truly know a person anyway?


When it comes to online relationships... I've seen it work and I've seen it fail. It depends more on the people than on the method.

Personally, I had an e-relationship back in my youth. It was with a girl in Switzerland who was about 3 years older than me. The relationship ended in failure because of my own immaturity at the time. Then a few years later I had a real life relationship with a girl living 15 minutes away from me. This relationship ended about two weeks ago and it ended in failure because she was spoiled, immature and refused to ever consider anyone but herself. The distance didn't really matter.

Sure, physical contact is desired, but it's perfectly possible to be pleased with talking online and over the phone. It depends on the people involved. :/

[peregrin]

rena, on 07 July 2011 - 01:50 AM, said:

what does that have to do with anything?
and this is why i cant be female online -.-

It's 'cause you're a creepy 30-year-old dude with a ponytail and glasses.

...right?

Here's something that I think sums up the internet relationship issue nicely: http://www.escapistm...-Another-Castle

[zjhentohlauedy]

peregrin, on 19 July 2011 - 03:45 AM, said:

It's 'cause you're a creepy 30-year-old dude with a ponytail and glasses.

...right?

Here's something that I think sums up the internet relationship issue nicely: http://www.escapistm...-Another-Castle

lol, comments focused on the girl being 17 and not the online part =D

[Moezama]

General_Tobias, on 04 July 2011 - 07:19 AM, said:

How do you even truly know a person over the internet or phone? For me a long distance relationship seems totally out of the question!

Siveruu, on 18 July 2011 - 04:18 PM, said:

How can you truly know a person anyway?

I gotta admit, when I saw the first question, couldn't help but refer to the post above. I mean, how do you truly know a person, even if you're right there with them? I'd have to say it's exposure to the person in many instances that will show you how much you know about them, not you being with them. I mean crap, does the physical part have to be there for you to know a person? I mean, it's not like everyone on the internet is made up of a labyrinth of lies :/ Though some people always think that's the case.

I'd have to say, I got to know my boyfriend really well via the net, seeing I don't think he'd have the guts to say some of the shit he's said to me if it weren't on the net/phone. Some people just can't do it when the real thing is right in front of their face. The internet is always a mask for you, thus if you always put the effort into your relationship, you can see a person's true face that way as well... whether it's good or bad.
/babble.

[zjhentohlauedy]

well the biggest thing i learned from perenguin's link is that when you know someone from online, you only know them by things they want to show you. The text on the screen is what the other person wants you to see, nothing spur of the moment, not seeing gestures, no stuttering and all that simply put no assurance to the truth of what you're looking at. But then this is improved on once voice chats and video chats enter the relationship, you can't hide facial and vocal expressions. then there's group chats and group calls which kinda exposes you to the other side of a person, the part that doesn't involve you, the part that shows around his friends or around different people.

I guess in a similar fashion to real life stuff, 1st dates are always "best foot forward" then following contacts show you more and more, tho i think real life stuff is harder to pull off for most of us since you don't have a backspace button, delete and an enter key.

[Siveruu]

zjhentohlauedy, on 19 July 2011 - 03:27 PM, said:

well the biggest thing i learned from perenguin's link is that when you know someone from online, you only know them by things they want to show you. The text on the screen is what the other person wants you to see, nothing spur of the moment, not seeing gestures, no stuttering and all that simply put no assurance to the truth of what you're looking at. But then this is improved on once voice chats and video chats enter the relationship, you can't hide facial and vocal expressions. then there's group chats and group calls which kinda exposes you to the other side of a person, the part that doesn't involve you, the part that shows around his friends or around different people.

I guess in a similar fashion to real life stuff, 1st dates are always "best foot forward" then following contacts show you more and more, tho i think real life stuff is harder to pull off for most of us since you don't have a backspace button, delete and an enter key.

My spoken English is terrible compared to my written. It's not much worse grammarwise, but I'm not really used to speaking it so I sound very uncertain. When online and chatting over msn I can express my thoughts and feelings really well most of the time. I also get time to express it clearly. Then which one is the "real" me? The real life one who has no confidence when speaking English, or the online one who can express his thoughts clearly?

[Magnius]

Siveruu, on 18 July 2011 - 04:18 PM, said:

How can you truly know a person anyway?

This so much.

While it's a little extreme of an example, how many times do you watch the news or read a paper where someone has committed a serious crime and their friends and family comment "I never imagined he could have done such a thing" or "he was always such a nice and friendly person" etc? Everyone has their secrets, both online and offline, although personally for me I find it easier to be truthful online.

[zjhentohlauedy]

Siveruu, on 19 July 2011 - 03:37 PM, said:

My spoken English is terrible compared to my written. It's not much worse grammarwise, but I'm not really used to speaking it so I sound very uncertain. When online and chatting over msn I can express my thoughts and feelings really well most of the time. I also get time to express it clearly. Then which one is the "real" me? The real life one who has no confidence when speaking English, or the online one who can express his thoughts clearly?

That is you reacting to different situations.

You can express your thought and feelings given time to explain. The real life you is also you just lacking confidence.

If you just practice expressing yourself in real life you'll slowly become more and more like your "internet" you.

well in anycase that's how i see it because i use to be terribly shy around strangers but after practicing talking to people just like how i would introduce myself in the forums i'm starting to gain more confidence when i'm interacting with people i dont' really know

[Siveruu]

zjhentohlauedy, on 19 July 2011 - 04:20 PM, said:

That is you reacting to different situations.

You can express your thought and feelings given time to explain. The real life you is also you just lacking confidence.

If you just practice expressing yourself in real life you'll slowly become more and more like your "internet" you.

well in anycase that's how i see it because i use to be terribly shy around strangers but after practicing talking to people just like how i would introduce myself in the forums i'm starting to gain more confidence when i'm interacting with people i dont' really know

The problem is that English isn't my first language, not that I'm shy. I have issues pronouncing words so I tend to keep myself short. Given practice I could become better at expressing myself when talking English, but I don't really have people to talk with over mic online. It still gives a different impression of who I am, but I don't feel like either of them is a false me.

[zjhentohlauedy]

Siveruu, on 19 July 2011 - 04:28 PM, said:

The problem is that English isn't my first language, not that I'm shy. I have issues pronouncing words so I tend to keep myself short. Given practice I could become better at expressing myself when talking English, but I don't really have people to talk with over mic online. It still gives a different impression of who I am, but I don't feel like either of them is a false me.

of course they aren't false yous unless you actually force yourself into acting like a different person online or in real life >3>

[Moezama]

zjhentohlauedy, on 19 July 2011 - 03:27 PM, said:

well the biggest thing i learned from perenguin's link is that when you know someone from online, you only know them by things they want to show you. The text on the screen is what the other person wants you to see, nothing spur of the moment, not seeing gestures, no stuttering and all that simply put no assurance to the truth of what you're looking at. But then this is improved on once voice chats and video chats enter the relationship, you can't hide facial and vocal expressions. then there's group chats and group calls which kinda exposes you to the other side of a person, the part that doesn't involve you, the part that shows around his friends or around different people.

I guess in a similar fashion to real life stuff, 1st dates are always "best foot forward" then following contacts show you more and more, tho i think real life stuff is harder to pull off for most of us since you don't have a backspace button, delete and an enter key.

You've never been in a fierce argument with someone you care about over the internet.
That and trust me, real intentions come out. Comes out IRL, comes out online too. Takes a while though but when you really get into it, you'll see.

[Punky]

Personally speaking, I find it so much easier to express my thoughts and be myself online. Most of my irl friends don't know half the stuff my friends online know about me. I've had so many people backstab and betray me irl, I thought I knew them but I was wrong. Regardless of whether they're online or offline, people have the potential of lying about who they are. That being said, in my experience, I've experienced it more so offline than online so why should you hold one method in higher regards over the other, simply because you can physically see the person in said method? Why should appearance matter so much to begin with? Honestly, it's only once you get to know their personality that a relationship truly starts to matter; in the end, the actual method of communicating doesn't count for much imo.

[zjhentohlauedy]

well there's also this thing about the internet, the other person can do a good lie and disappear forever without making you feel betrayed just like that, unless you know people s/he knows irl. XD

[peregrin]

Professor Snape, on 19 July 2011 - 11:12 AM, said:

I mean crap, does the physical part have to be there for you to know a person?

Yes. Body language is a HUUUUGE part of human communication. I can honestly say that how I represent myself online is phenomenally different from how I represent myself in person just from the fact that online, no one can see my weird hand gestures or hear my oddly pitched laughter, etc. etc.

It's difficult to be a good actor in social situations in real life. It's NOT difficult to be a good actor when you're just writing stuff. ESPECIALLY when you often have the option to self-edit before posting. How many people on the internet take more time to think about what they say when they post in a forum compared to how much time they take to think about what they say to people in person? I'm willing to bet it's a majority. I've met many people with whom I enjoy online communication but can't stand to talk to in person. That would kill any and all relationship chances in my book.

I guess the gist of it is that it's not an issue about lying. It's an issue about the disconnect between online interaction and personal interaction. Even video chat is at best a poor approximation of real communication. There are simply some things in people's behavior that you can't find out about through any amount of online interaction, and in my book a lot of these behavioral quirks are what make a person good or bad for you in terms of a relationship.