72 replies to this topic

[holy]

I am writing this up because in the past few days me and my girlfriend have basically broken up, in a way, and I wanted to share some advice with those of you who have questions about girlfriends etc.

Me and my current girlfriend, (she sort of is, sort of isn't), are having difficulties recently. The reason is quite simple. She is completely different to I am. I am a gamer, I like hardcore and J-Core, I program websites and computer games etc. She does not have any interest in any of these things, and to be honest I find her things quite boring to what I like. Another reason is that she is 4 years younger than me, she is 17.

It is not to say I don't love her, because I do, but if we don't feel for each other anymore as much as we did, what is the point? What I am getting at is this:

I have spent too long caring about getting a relationship, finding a girlfriend and settling down happy with them. The fact I have come to realise is that, I am only 21. I shouldn't be caring about settling down with a girlfriend, I should be enjoying the most of my time until I am 26 or 27, then thinking about that stuff. If you think that "oh god I can't find a girlfriend" or you have girlfriend problems, honestly, don't worry about it. You shouldn't be worrying about that stuff now. Wait until you are older then start thinking about it.

Of course if you meet a nice girl or boy on the way and you think it might work, then by all means go for it. But don't go out of your way for it. If the other person wants to be with you, then they will try, you just get on with what is important in life, family, friends, and studying. Leave the serious love stuff till later on. The reason is because it will probably only bring heartbreak, and that does suck.

Of course I am sort of sad about what has happened in the last few days, but I still have the things I love. My family, my friends, my games, and the whole of DoujinStyle.

It is up to you if you decide to take this information or not, but trust me, you will realise it some day.

[Sheep]

I fully agree with what you wrote, and it's a good thing you seem to be getting over it already without going all emo.

This all doesn't mean couples with different interests don't work though. After all, it's the person him/herself who you like, but sharing interests does make things easier.

[SirthOsiris]

Nah. Considering my interests, it's probably better to find someone that shares them, at least to an extent. Then we can have fun squealing like schoolgirls together when something good happens. Same thing with personality. I did have someone actually confess to me, but I did not share the same feelings because at some point, I found them more annoying than attractive.

[Kairyu]

Is this like, girl #5 for you Holy? You're quite the player mang.

[Archangel]

Thanks for the advice, and right back at you.
You still have plenty of time. Take it easy~.

My word of advise to people reading:
Teen-early adulthood is a time for experimenting, and meeting people. No need to rush the process.

[holy]

That was my 3rd serious girlfriend. Back to the playing field man.

[Sephora]

This is the truth.

[pegasaurus]

that's actually very useful advice. this probably definitely applies to me, as i am 17 and have much to look forward to. for the past 4 years i was trying to get this one girl to like me, and things didn't go very well at first. however now things are looking better than ever for the two of us. however, in retrospect i realized that i was a fool for pursuing this girl for so long, because the last 3-4 years of my life were emotionally spent, per say. anyhow, things are looking very well for us now and i dont regret doing what i did to get there.

anyhow, i wish you the best of luck holy. 21 is still very young and i'm sure you'll find someone out there

[zjhentohlauedy]

good advice holy. Now go get a new one and show her on the show yourself thread


on a serious note, its pretty awesome to see you have your priorities straight, stay strong man

[DarkPhoenix]

Wow, Great advice you've shared here.

I don't have any girlfriend and didn't bother to find one thanks to your advice [I'm still 15 years old]. I would search one if I got a job and the payment is enough for the family.

[AlphaQ]

Well, after eating 9 lemons for the last 5 years, I learned that lesson you just shared in a very hard way.

[rena]

I fully agree with what you wrote, and it's a good thing you seem to be getting over it already without going all emo.

This all doesn't mean couples with different interests don't work though. After all, it's the person him/herself who you like, but sharing interests does make things easier.

this. me and my bf have some similarities, some not, it can cause arguements too but, its ok.. we are together soon 11monthes and very happy so..

but maybe holy is right, its nice advice, but having someone there for you is also nice

[renokieon]

Wow, I'm surprise you didn't made a emo thread like a lot of these week-minded people do after a break-up. You're one brilliant man to actually come up with a "advice" thread after a hardcore issue like that occurred in your life.

[Burning Star IV]

Wow, I don't frequent TQP much, but I just read this thread for the first time and, um, wow.

The first part is totally my previous GF and I. Right down to the letter. It was a relationship with the same conditions that holy mentioned.

You might not want to believe me when I say this, but I make it a point to tell the truth especially to the peeps at DS. What holy wrote made so much sense to me that it had gotten me thinking and reevaluating my own life a bit. Some of the people who know me on DS know that I have been depressed a lot. My regular friends know I have been too. I have been coping with a lot this past year or two. I can say after reading this that I am proud of WHO I am and WHERE I have been in my life currently.

My break-up depressed me a bit. I think with my age, at 30, I was thinking I needed to find someone right away. Honestly, I do miss the intimacy of being with a woman. I don't need to rush or think about it too much.

I have some more thinking to do, but this helps. Thanks for the advice in general holy. This is awesome advice.

[Riskbreaker23]

My situation with my GF is an odd one.

I once belong to a street gang in my younger days. But I basically wised and cleaned up and as the years went by. With my current GF its weird, she was in a gang as well, but is trying her best to clean up by going to NA and AA meetings as well as going to college to get her degree, despite being 24. Similar to what I went through, except much later in life. (I did at 17)

All the things she likes I used to as well back in my wilder days. I truly have no interest in her interests at all, but in reality I really like her. So I decided to get reinterested in some the things that she likes, so we can strike a casual conversation about things. Plus she has now taken interest in gaming a bit and has been enjoying the posts here in DS as well. At first she didn't even know stuff like this existed, she still hesitant to sign up here because its a whole different world for her. But in time, I hope to get her to sign up and start posting like mad.

I think if you really have interest in the person your seeing, you should take the time get into her hobbies and interest a little not completely of course. Don't fake your interested in her hobbies you will regret it later and could start problems down the road.

Who know you might like what she likes and if you introduce her a little of what you like (not overwhelm her mind you, she might weirded out). You might get her into some your hobbies.

[ether667]

Who know you might like what she likes and if you introduce her a little of what you like (not overwhelm her mind you, she might weirded out). You might get her into some your hobbies.

That just may be one of the signs of a good relationship. The bottom line is both people have to make compromises, and enjoy each others' company. My wife has changed interests numerous times throughout the years, as women normally do, and I'm just always happy to be with her. For all the years I've known her she's prided herself on being as pale-skinned as she can be, then all of a sudden this summer she wants a tan. She also used to wear more goth/industrial dark clothing and now she wears brighter stuff.

Perhaps this advice is more for guys. During the late teens and early twenties, girls go through amazing changes as they begin to find themselves. You're going to watch them change a million times, it's just how things go. If a girl still enjoys your company through all of it though, then I think that's true love.

Also, I have to agree with many of the previous posts. Don't be too eager to get into a relationship when you're young just because you want someone to be with and...yeah that stuff. If you find the right person, that's one thing, though people tend to let their desperation cloud their judgment in getting into relationships, and one day they'll realize "wow, this person isn't for me...I need out!"

[zjhentohlauedy]

Wow, this actually makes me think a lot... hopefully I'll be able to change for the person I like...

good luck searching for someone circle9 because it will be really hard since people today are usually, " i can't love someone who can't love me for the way i am" since more and more things are being accepted in the world today people aren't being encouraged or motivated to change for the better, instead they are encouraged that they are perfect the way they are.